Lila Grace

Before I had children, I thought, "I will never be that Mom."  Bria arrived and I dutifully snapped photos at every opportunity.  I blogged religiously about my pregnancy, her birth and first months of life.  Then, about a year and a half or so later we were expecting Campbelle.  I wrote a little less about Bria and pregnancy.  I coped with feelings of, "How am I going to stay afloat?"  I began to understand how people become that Mom... the one who admits that what she did for her first child, she did a little less of for her second, and a little less than that for her third.  Then, when Campbelle was about a year and a half old, we found out we were pregnant with our third.  Amidst changing diapers, potty training, reading stories, learning ABCs and colors, bathing and dressing and doing a million other things that you do when you are taking care of little people who can't yet take care of themselves I realized I. Am. That. Mom.  And it's okay.  What I never realized was that Mom was not neglecting her younger children.  She was taking it one day at a time, doing the best she could to raise these little people that God has entrusted to her.  So, as that Mom, I'm a little behind in posting about my pregnancy with Lila, and a little over a week late in detailing the story of her birth, but I am proud to say it is because I am that Mom.  I am busy loving my three beautiful girls, washing dirty laundry, tucking children into bed at night, snuggling a baby, and praying daily, sometimes hourly, that God will take my efforts and use them to mold my girls into who He wants them to be.

That's just a glimpse of what has been on my heart.  I am truly striving to keep the most important things in my life just that.  I hope one day my girls will appreciate the time I have spent writing about our family, but never because I am jeopardizing my time with them.

On to Lila's birth.

Obviously the last 10 weeks or so of pregnancy progressed somewhat normally.  I went every Wednesday for an ultrasound and non stress test.  In a way, it was a nice break, and it gave me an excuse to get Jimmy John's for lunch on my way to the hospital as a little treat.  The girls I work with decided before she was born that if we were having a boy he should be named Jimmy John because of my habit.  Mmmmm... Jimmy Johns.  I hope my obsession for their sandwiches goes away now that I am not pregnant anymore.  The bread is just SO GOOD!  Anyway, the weekly ultrasounds gave us a chance to get some 3 D snapshots of our beautiful baby.  We did have one scare around 36 weeks or so when Lila's heart rate dropped to 80 unexpectedly.  My Mom was visiting that week and we both kind of looked at each other like, "When is it going to bounce back up?"  I stuck around and was monitored for a while longer and everything seemed fine.  More than likely she rolled on top of the umbilical cord for a moment, but even knowing that happens and has probably happened with all of my pregnancies, it was still a scary time!  

Fast forward to 39 weeks 2 days.  I woke up desperately tired.  I had been praying for weeks that I would not go into labor at the end of my shift or in the middle of the night after I had worked for 12 hours.  After getting ready, I convinced the girls to watch Cars and I napped at 10:00 am for 2 hours!!!  

If you know me and my propensity to never, ever nap this is odd.  I forgot to mention that the night before I texted some family friends to make sure if my ultrasound looked bad that they would be available to watch the girls "just in case."  I also checked in with my parents for the same reason.  I didn't feel great-who does 39 weeks-but did not expect anything significant to be happening.  Although, with the issue of having two due dates, I had been saying for several months that I thought I was truly due on August 21st.  I say all this to remind myself that God answers prayers that sometimes seem insignificant, and that sometimes He gets our wheels rolling, preparing us for something even before we know we need to prepare!  

I woke from my nap at 12:05.  At 12:11 Ryan came through the door and told me he would need to go back in after I got back.  I reminded him IF everything was okay, which I thought it would be.  We did the quick hand off and I was out the door in time for my appointment... and Jimmy Johns.  Once I arrived, I told the ultrasound tech I had not been feeling well.  I think this alarmed her a little.  She asked a few questions and started scanning.  Lila passed two parts of the scan right away and then we waited.  And we waited.  And we waited.  Around 20 minutes she started to ask when I had eaten, what I had eaten, if the baby had been moving.  I had told her the movements has slowed some, but not enough to be alarmed by.  I said all this knowing that can also be a sign of impending labor, but I started to get nervous.  I changed positions while she nudged my stomach trying to get the baby to move.  There was our sweet baby, heart ticking away, hand in her mouth, refusing to move.  Finally, after changing positions and nudging some more, she shut the machine off early telling me I scored 4/8 (NOT GOOD) and that even if she had moved in the last couple minutes enough to score her higher that she would still be concerned.  She left the room to find Dr Farhat and the tears started rolling down my cheeks.  A minute later Dr Farhat walked in and said, "Well, this is easy, you scored 4/8 and you have a two vessel cord.  It's time to be induced."  Then, he looked at me awkwardly.  The kind of awkward where you know someone is obviously upset  and you know that person personally, but you are not sure what to do.  So the ultrasound tech, who I know pretty well now, stepped in and hugged me and said it would all be okay but our sweet baby would do better now out than in.  So I walked through the hospital, frantically calling Ryan and telling him the things to gather, calling our sitter, calling my Mom, and preparing to meet our baby.  

When I arrived upstairs I bypassed triage and went straight to labor and delivery.  Again, God was working.  A nurse I had wanted so badly to be a part of my delivery, Janine, walked by and asked what was wrong.  She took time to take me to room 414, and then gathered a few of the nurses and prayed with me.  In that moment, I went from frantic and tearful, to feeling God's peace surround me.  By the end of our prayer, while I still was not keen on being induced, I had the attitude of, "Let's do this!"  The next hour or so passed in a blur.  Ryan arrived and I was monitored and they started the pitocin at 2:55 pm.  I was a whopping 1-2 cm and 80%... so far to go.  Our sweet baby looked great and they gradually increased the pitocin to get my contractions going.  Dr Farhat came in at a little after 4:00 to break my water... still 2 cm.  There was talk of maybe having the baby after midnight.  My thoughts were something like, "There is NO WAY."  I was able to get up and walk and visit some friends on the unit I work on.  At 7:00, shifts changed and Stephanie came in to care for me.  I had only met her in passing, but she was the nurse that I needed that evening.  At around 7:15 she checked me and I was 4 cm and I hopped in the whirlpool tub.  Bathtubs were made for labor.  I hung out for about an hour and started to feel a little pressure.  The thoughts I had were literally, "I can't do this" and "I just WISH I were dilated more and this pressure really isn't anything."  Stephanie came in and said she would give me about 15 more minutes in the tub.  After about 10 I was jumping out of my skin.  When I got out of the tub I was 7 cm.  I refused to lay down and Ryan and I "danced" in the room through my contractions.  I don't feel like being on pitocin really worsened my labor until the very end when it seemed that with each contraction it was more and more intense and I couldn't wait for it to end.  After Stephanie checked me at 7 cm, Ryan and I mentioned that Bria and Campbelle had both been born after pushing for two or three times.  She called the Dr.  Time passed quickly and before I knew it I felt like she was coming and I was completely dilated.  I told Stephanie I needed to push.  She called to the other nurses, "I need everyone in here NOW" and gloved up.  I am pretty certain she was planning to catch the baby.  Dr Farhat finally walked in.  I could tell the baby was crowning and he asked for a glove to check me.  I remember Stephanie looking at him like, "Dude get your gloves on and catch this baby!"  Then, after a search for the drape and a "This table is set up backwards," I started pushing involuntarily and Dr Farhat finally gloved up.  The last few seconds before he was ready my body took over and in the span of 30 seconds I felt like I said, "I'm pushing I'm pushing" 200 times.  I just wanted someone, ANYONE, to be closer to the end of the bed.  Finally at 8:55 pm, Lila Grace entered the world, wimpy two vessel cord and all!  For having an issue that could have suppressed her growth, she actually is our biggest baby at 6 pounds 13 ounces and 20 1/2 inches long and she is beautiful.

Now we are a family of five.  Ryan is seriously outnumbered, but we like it that way.  He is an incredible Daddy to our daughters.  Lila rarely cries unless she is hungry and sleeps well.  While all this can change, I will appreciate her good nature for the time being!  Bria and Campbelle truly adore her and practically fight over who can hug her and love her more.  They have really adjusted well and we are grateful.  I look forward to seeing who little Lila, our Little Chickie, becomes and what she brings to our family.  We are so blessed.