Time is ticking, it keeps on ticking...

Every day that passes brings us closer to D(elivery)-Day.  In some ways, this is both the fastest and the slowest pregnancy I have had.  Between the ever-present nausea ending and the day of the 20 week ultrasound, it felt like I barely blinked and we were half way there.  Since then, time has passed a little more slowly.  Perhaps it is because I'm enjoying the kicks and flips a little more, knowing that whatever is going on, the baby is safe inside me.  Or maybe it's because I so desperately want the assurance that everything is okay, that August 26th, give or take, can not come soon enough.  Either way, I am trying to enjoy the days between now and when life will once again take a crazy turn as we become parents for the third time.

And now a little update on where things stand.

Status post level II ultrasound...
While I walked away with reassurance that everything is okay, I still never want to be outside of "normal" - whatever "normal" is.
We have more beautiful pictures of our baby, which I never tire or seeing.
It was humorous, in retrospect, to see first the ultrasound technician, then the maternal fetal medicine physician, and then the genetic counselors.

US tech - I see the abnormalities that they saw last week, but it looks to me like you are having a perfect, healthy baby.

Things are feeling good.

Maternal fetal specialist - You have one marker for Trisomy 18 and one for Down's.  This puts you in an unusual category because they aren't typically seen together.  There weren't any other markers for Trisomy 18, so that is very unlikely.  The soft marker we see for Down's doesn't necessarily increase your risk, but it does not decrease it.  If we don't see the bright spot on a baby's heart then your risk for Down's decreases significantly.

Things are feeling good.  Ok, things are feeling okay, maybe a little more serious.  And THEN-

Genetic counselors - Let's sit down and give you statistics on your risk of Down's at your age (1/1000) and with the marker present (1/650).  Now we'd like to have your entire family history of any possible genetic anomalies.  Given the information, we suggest you get an amniocentesis.  The likelihood of losing the baby after this procedure is 1/400, but it would give us a diagnosis of whatever is going on.  How do you feel about this?

Things are feeling good.  Ok, things are feeling okay, maybe a little more serious.  How do I feel???  You have a VERY depressing job.  I may have been scared to ever have children if I considered all the possible genetic problems you have just discussed with me.  But most of all, it is ludicrous to suggest a procedure that has greater odds of killing my completely healthy child to find out if this child does have a chromosomal mutation.  I think I honestly said, "I can sit and talk about this all day if you want me to, but I know how I feel and I am pretty certain my husband would say exactly the same.  This child is ours.  We were fortunate enough to conceive another baby, and I will certainly not harm or eliminate the baby over the possibility of there being something wrong."  In conceiving, we did not give the baby the choice of life, and we will certainly not do so in death.  THAT is how I feel.

Quite the progression in a matter or two hours.  I will say though, after coming to tears as I first pulled away from our house for the drive to Ann Arbor, God gave me strength I did not know I had.  I am a wimp when it comes to facing anything alone.  I was terrified that Ryan could not come with me, but after a lot of prayer, a few tears, and some loud music I was okay.  Where does this leave us now?  Most likely everything is okay.  However, working in the field I do, I know and have experienced when life throws you a curve ball... when babies are born with something that was missed on an ultrasound... when babies are born without something there was on an ultrasound.  So we will wait.  Ninety percent of the time I am truly okay and I believe our baby has developed normally, and ten percent of the time fear grips me.  Until August, when the fear grips I will continue to turn to the One, the only One, who knows the future... and I will rest in the knowledge that whatever faces us, He is already there, in the delivery room, holding us in the palm of His hand and with us, welcoming our little one into the world.